So close

I can’t explain what it is about him
But, something in him turns on something in me
And, I’m not speaking solely of sexual stimulation
Although, there is that…
There is that.
But beyond that there’s something impalpable about the way he turns me on
It’s like I could drown in the depth of his poetic metaphors
Like I’d like to lick the lips that spit so beautifully because
That’s as close as I could come to tasting his words.
His mind spins my body in circles..
And I don’t know what it is about him but
I swear if he was different
He’d be just perfect for me.

I think I know it

I don't know you and yet I want
To know you
In each and every way I can
Know you
Do you mind if I try and get 
To know you
Because I think
You may be someone worth knowing. 

Thank you

You
Hurt me
Not like
I stubbed my toe against the wall
or caught my finger in the door kind of hurt
You hurt me
Like
My world tumbled down
and my heart cracked open kind of hurt.
I would've done anything for you
Given anything to you
and yet my anythings weren't everythings or perhaps
They were nothings
Or perhaps
They were everything
Just not anything
Close to the nothing
You wanted from me.

Thank you
For letting me go.

If not my "soulmate"...then surely a mate for my soul

my physical being met yours some years ago
but
i'd be remiss if i didn't insist that
my soul reacts to yours as if it's known you in lifetimes past
like our pasts had somewhere crossed the same path
and we
found each other...
and now
in the silence of the words i need not utter
you can hear melodies
that sing of our love
of our heartbreak
and of our persistence or rather resistance to parting...
i find comfort in knowing that wherever i am
there you'll be...
i think i was meant for you
and you for me.

for the record

it's not so much about not needing you in my life...
it's more about not wanting you in it.

i'll be back

there's something i want to write...
but i'm flustered
and everything i write, isn't right....

Too loud

I don't want to hear your silence...it's piercing ..

Reminder

When I miss the man I fell for I need only remind myself that that man no longer exists

Memory fades

I purposefully forgot what it felt like to love you
Because I fear that if I allow myself to remember
I will never be able to forget again.

Even if you never read this...

I didn't know you for everything you were.
I knew you for everything I wanted you to be.
That was wrong of me,
I'm sorry.

Never forgotten

I swear I can make out your shape in the clouds,
Hear your whisper in the wind, 
See your eyes sparkle in the stars at night.
I feel your presence everywhere
And yet,
You're no where 
I want you to be.
I hope you can see me, though
And know,
Your not forgotten. 

Not sure which

Not many people can get me smiling with just one word.
It's his gift...
Or my curse.

Deaf ears

I think I would say more to you
if I thought, that even for one second,
you would be listening.

Defected

I feel like the one bulb on the string of Christmas lights that will not turn on. Attached to many, yet click with none.

Ouch.

There's nothing I want to say
about so much that I want to say
so I don't say any if it
I just think it
I just hold it
I just feel it
in all the cracks in the armor I've built up.

A truly beautiful friend.

sometimes we begin to forget who we are. and then someone reminds us.

complete random thoughts about my now.

i think about some people a lot...every line is someone different...i can't always say and do what i want so i have to get the thoughts out of my head somehow...

i want to tell her that i know she lies...a lot.
i want to tell her that i love her...beyond the love i feel for most others, into a place that i can't describe in words.
i want to not love him, to forget him, to not miss him at the times where no one else would be right.
i want to know that i mean more than she does...even though i'm not sure i actually want to be more than she was.
i want to know him, beyond the messages of random facts and genuine stories that have filled my days with laughter.
i want to heal them, even if that means inflicting myself with all the pain they feel.
i want to make him happy, and i have no idea how, because he has no idea how and i want to fix that.
i want to tell him that its going to be okay...that in time the hurt will ease.
i want to tell her that this her life, and to not waste it complaining over everything she thinks is wrong with it.
i want to talk to him...in a way that will not only make him hear, but listen.
i want to hug her, and make her feel like she deserves better...because she does.

missed

For a moment,
I wondered where you went...
how you could be so here one minute
and so gone the next.
then I thought,
who am I to wonder where you went
instead of just being thankful you were here.

(no) love note.

how did you get in my head
i don't remember showing you the way
or opening the door.
this is private property
so please remove yourself
preferibly without touching anything.
you may have found your way to my head,
but the way to my heart is another matter entirely.

damn.

its surprising
how very un-surprising it is
that every day
you take my breathe away.

I will

I think
I am
Annoyed
Frustrated
Flustered
and Angered.
And I think how none of that has changed the fact
That I haven’t changed the fact
That I think of you
Without trying to.

Well..

I wish I knew more than I do,
but I'm glad I know more than I did.

Run for it

You, 
Standing there
Covered in a jacket of confidence.
Me,
Standing here
Cloaked in a blanket of insecurities.
Perhaps if I felt a chill
You would fling your jacket over my shoulders
And for a moment 
I could muster the confidence
To run instead of walk.

Happy happy.. Joy joy

Sometimes
I'm happy for no reason
or
no specific reason
or
too many reasons
or...
Just one.

Moments

Moments are fleeting
Like the flashing lights of a lightning bug 
at twilight on a summers day.
When your young you catch it 
put it in a jar 
and carry it around with you.
As you grow up you just sit back 
and watch the light dance
Enjoying the beauty of the moment 
Because even if it is gone too soon,
You appreciate that it happened at all

In due time

It took no time for me to realize I am physically my mothers twin
but after 25 years I am still learning how very much like my father I am...

Some nerve

How dare I wish for an easier life
when those who came before me have had it so much harder

Today

I'm an emotional wreck.
Fear is not an emotion I often experience,
I'm not sure I know how to deal with this.

random lyrical moment 3

"Wait, do you see my heart on my sleeve?
It's been there for days on end and
It's been waiting for you to open up
yours too baby, come on now
I'm trying to tell you just how
I'd like to hear the words roll out of your mouth finally
Say that it's always been me

That's made you feel the way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you

You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not routine with you it don't mean that much to me
oh just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me"
-Adele

No room

you can't give anything to someone who's hands are already full of baggage.

Selfishness

The beauty of some people
is so much sometimes
that you can think only
of selfishly wanting to hold onto that beauty
and you fail to realize that in holding it
you stifle the beauty that you fell for

So little much

Often, people say so much 
with so little 
but you choose 
to listen to the
so little 
because the
so much 
is too much 
and yet 
not near enough

Only sometimes

Sometimes,
when you do without something
or someone
for so long,
you start to forget
why you thought you needed
or wanted it
or them
at all

On to the next

I never believed in second chances,
until I needed one.

Unknowing

Some people
aren't meant
to be
known

random lyrical moment 2

"but right now I am sober

But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has pulled me through
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough"

Shh.

Answers,
Are hard to come by
When I can't hear myself think
Beyond the deafening silence
Of the thoughts I'm scared to have 

just a random thoughtul moment

I was just a child the first time I thought I was in love. Four years of my life given to someone who was just a child himself. Now, after all these years, I think back and I think I did love him, as much as anyone in high school could love anyone else. It was the first time I truly understood a broken heart, but also the first time anyone was in a position to break it. Whats more important to me now though, is that that first guy I fell for, is a genuinely good guy. Over the years he's seen my family members much more than he's seen me...and each time they tell me how they saw him, how he came over to give them a kiss hello, and how he's always so sweet to them. And I smile because maybe my judge of character is better than I sometimes think.

Don't speak too soon

In everything that's different,
I see all the same.

Over it?

I'm not Tom
or Jerry
so why am I
playing this
cat
and
mouse
game?

To myself...

Option: something that may be or is chosen; choice.

Priority: something given special attention.

Don't confuse the two.

Pointless?

If you
knew me
better
you would see
how different
I am
with
you.
I would tell you
but
I doubt
you would believe me.

...

i wish
you could see
that all i want
is to
know
you.

random lyrical moment

"the scent of a room that reminds me of u
a hint of perfume it reminds me of u
take a look at the moon it reminds me of u
hope the stars and the gods
align me and you"
-Common

excerpts from a reader (1)

"He was in the kind of love that Ajax won't scrape off, the kind of love that makes a grown man doodle a woman's name on his forearm with a pen and say things, his palm cupped tightly around a pay-phone receiver, that would make his buddies question his manhood."
-Rick Bragg
"I Am a Soldier, Too: The Jessica Lynch Story"

out my window...

my view...everyday.

i want to learn

how to fit a square object into a round hole.

some days are still harder than others

i can almost not remember it like it was yesterday,
the phone woke me
i didn't understand who could be calling at that hour
but i answered.
on the other line was an uncalm calm
::she's gone::
:who's gone:
i didn't understand
or i didn't believe
but either way i had to ask
had to be sure.
but she was gone.
and the little girl in the grown woman i was supposed to be
came tumbling out of me.
i didn't know how to carry that heavy load...
the weight was unbearable
and i didn't think i could climb out of bed under it,
let alone walk down the hall without collapsing.
so i stumbled as far as my small body would allow,
to the door next to mine
and the savior that slept quietly on the other side.
he would take the weight for me
i knew this as sure as i knew that she was gone.
i opened the door
trying to formulate some semblance of words he could understand.
i'm not sure what came out
but i know that in his understanding the weight shifted from me to him.
he told me it would be ok
and i watched as he wavered under the weight of it
i could see the little boy inside of the man he was supposed to be,
but the man fought back
he walked down the hall
to the room neither of us wanted to enter,
to try and gently place that huge weight
on the shoulders of our mother.
her cries pierced my heart like a million knives
and it bled out
desperately trying to make its way to her
to fill the holes in her own heart
caused by the weight of the world that had just come crumbling down.

fuck it

it, fuck.

How did I get there?

I want to tattoo the route
on the palm of my hand
so that if I'm ever lost
I can touch my hand to my heart
and it'll find the way.

not a compromise

I will not trade in me in exchange for you.

repeat.

i'm pretty sure i've seen this episode before.
i'm going to keep watching to make sure though.

very random

like 1 of the 2 most important men in my life says..

"get off my back, you kinda heavy back there!"
=) i gotta love him.

happiness is a choice

and today it chose me.

luCky hEr

there was once a boy
who loved a girl
an amazing love that transceded the walls of his heart
and took hold of his soul.

i was not that girl...
but oh! how i felt that love.

a beautiful moment

i'm not sure when i started to see her through you
when i see you laugh
i picture her
in her bata
standing at the stove
and i can smell the incredible aroma of memories
and i smile to keep the tears at bay
because in that moment
i see her
i feel her
and in that one moment
i don't feel the pain of missing her

100

it's a brand new year.
--------------------------

When I close my eyes I dream
I dream I dance on clouds
and let the sun be my partner
when it sets I sit among the stars
and talk to the moon.
When I close my eyes I dream
I dream I sing melodies that make a phoenix cry
make it want to die
only to be reborn again
to see the beauty of the world through a child's eye.
When I close my eyes I dream
I dream that heaven married hell
and birthed earth
and I cried at the beauty of their love.
When I close my eyes I dream
I dream
I dream.