Saturday, March 19, 2016

I don't understand.

How can the sun come out,
when the day is so dark

How can the birds sing,
when I've lost my voice

How can the world keep turning,
when mine has suddenly stopped...

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Pasts

You are not my past,
But I have one.

I am not your past,
But you have one.

Lets leave them there...

They can have our pasts,
We, can have our present,
And, our future.

First time


Every time I see you it's like the first time. 
That smile. 
Those eyes. 

Wanting to touch you. 
Wanting to kiss you. 
Only this time I can. 

I don't know if I'll ever get used to that
But I sure hope I have the chance to

Thursday, April 17, 2014

My love


My heart is alive
It beats,
Sometimes skips
When you're around.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

I'm there.

Moments...
birth, death, celebrations...
life.
Moments.
How do you make peace with missing them?

Life is short.
Love is long...
long enough to cross oceans.
to connect me to the moments.

Absent is nonexistent,
because I carry you in my heart,
you're always with me.
And a piece of my heart is with you...

so that's peace.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Maybe.

Holy shit.
Just like a ton of bricks...
With my nose in a book, minding my own business,
And the memories flash before my eyes like the words on the page.

Could I have failed to realize?
The small gestures,
The reach for me.

All this time, I thought we both were too safe.
Maybe it was me.
Maybe the walls I built up left you feeling like you were on the outside.

Maybe your steps were hesitant,
But maybe I only spoke a good game
and never actually showed up ready to play.

I guess the lesson I learned isn't quite done being taught.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Lesson Learned

It's been years of safe play.
Moments of wow...
of maybe this is how,
it could be.
Of no one walking out on that limb.

It's been years of frustration
Wondering if I was just another pawn in your game of life.
Moments where you could cut the sexual tension with a knife...
and still,
that limb remained empty.

It's been years...damn
it's been years.
Years of too much,
Years of not enough...
But years still...and I think that says so much,
even if that limb is still empty.

The years have led to this,
to the possibility of an end.
And yet still, the end would begin the years of what if,
of what may have been,
had I took to that limb.
The years haven't prepared me for that.
But I'll accept it willingly,
in exchange for your happiness.

I have to admit it

In all my strength
I admit to weakness.
I admit to missing you.
Because the truth is, I do.
Maybe you represent so much loss,
so many repeats I don't want to make.
Maybe you represent so much of the goodness I saw in myself,
only through your eyes.
And now,
my visions cloudy.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Lacking

I currently have so much desire
So much faith
So much energy ...

Just waiting on a new muse.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Playback

I keep coming back to thoughts of you,
And at this point
I'm not really even sure the memories are anywhere near as good as I remember them...
But I miss them either way.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

sssshhh....

He speaks
And it's like my heart can hear
cause I swear-
he's speaking directly to it.
And it's beating is in sync with the syllables he speaks in such a seductively sweet sound
that I have to hold myself back from sucking the nectar that must be secreting from his succulent lips

Somewhere in there.

I hide my hopelessly romantic side underneath my
shit just never works out side...
because I'm kind of hopeless when it comes to romantic notions.
I guess I'm jaded that way.

I still care

I'd be lying if I said I never think of you.
Because the truth is, I rarely don't.
And I have,
All the years since I ended things.
I know it was the right thing then...
Problem is there's nothing I can do about it now.
But,
I think I'd be ok with that,
If only I knew you were really happy with her.
I hope one day you will be...

Sunday, December 04, 2011

All I can do is wonder

I didn't tell you,
I don't think,
I took it for granted...
thought you'd always be around.
I wonder if you ever knew your impact.

The way you looked at me...
If honesty could be personified in a look,
It would be in the way you looked at me.
And I don't think I was ready for that truth.

But now....
Now I know,
that you will always be the one
I wonder about.
And I'll wonder,
if you're ever wondering about me too.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Good one

I wouldn't make a decision with a man in mind...
But, if I did,
This man might be the kind.

Friday, November 18, 2011

hurry up and wait

Waiting.
Waiting to see a loved one
Waiting to see a new movie
Waiting for that amazon box in the mail
Waiting for food to be done
Waiting for a goodnight kiss...
these I can handle.
Waiting, for news-
news that can potentially be good
or potentially bad,
this,
I am no good at.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

just need to get it out.

I see her lips moving,
but I stopped listening several sentences ago.
I guess it was the minute I saw the tears behind her eyes,
the ones her smile was supposed to hide...
that's when I knew I wasn't going to like what she had to say.
And him...
when a man so strong turns weak,
it's hard to keep it together.
But they are,
and I am.
and it's going to be fine.
the waiting, and wondering
that's always the hard part.


I know she's looking down on me.

Time runs out.

I've spent enough time waiting
Wondering
(Hoping?)
Was this secretly my reason?
Sometimes we keep secrets so well,
That we don't even know them ourselves.
But how long can you hold onto nothing?
Especially when there may be something,
That could be everything...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I know I said I would, but...

I can't do it...
after all these years,
I can't be so insignificant.
And I can't go back in time...
the reality is your hers,
you were never really mine.


[let me ride into the sunset]

Monday, November 14, 2011

and why shouldn't I?

I've been whispering too long...
the anticipated absence is like a freedom,
and suddenly I'm all about screaming.