hate.

i hate hospitals. i've spent enough time in them to last me a lifetime.
i hate watching someone i love deteriorate right in front of me.
i hate watching family members hang on doctors every word.
i hate hearing the abnormal beeps of the machines plugged into my loved one.
i hate being told their are too many people in the room (because i AM going in there).
i hate nurses who don't treat you the way they would want to be treated if roles were reversed.
i hate the deafening silence, broken only by uncontrollable sobs of sadness and heartbreak.
i hate not knowing what to say.

but most of all i hate that i can't take the pain away from my mom and inflict it on myself...
because seeing her in pain is the most agonizing feeling i've ever experienced.