can you ever really be sure of any choice?

Sometimes life happens...and the people you want around can't be, for whatever reason. Sometimes those you don't want around are around too much. I've heard that whole "people come into your life for a reason, season or a lifetime" thing many times..and I guess I believe it mostly. But what about those people you connect with on a level you rarely connect with anyone? Those people who bring you comfort without trying? Those people who your simply happy around, effortlessly? Those same people who disappear from your life for whatever reason (a good reason probably)? and then you find them again, sometime later, when their different, and your different, and you no longer know each other like you once did, and yet just knowing their back in your life brings a smile to your heart. Which category do they fit into?-a reason, a season or a lifetime? I guess I'll see...
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So I made this choice...several years back. And at the time there was no second guessing, the choice was my choice, what I wanted without question. But in retrospect, it wasn't. There was second guessing, there were questions. I just suppressed them, pushed them so far back into the corners of my mind that I forgot they existed, and I let my heart be my voice-it wanted what it wanted after all.

Now, after all the dust settled, and the choice I made trickled down like an avalanche leaving lots of devastation in its wake...sometimes my mind wanders back, and my imagination creates the story that may have been had I made a different choice. But I guess that's normal (or I'd like to think so). I guess, sooner or later, you rethink every choice you made, and wonder how it may have been different if you would've chosen differently. If you would've been happy. But I think...that even if I had chosen differently, that now, years later I would wonder what may have happened if I made the choice I did make. And I may still be sitting here, writing this post. I guess it's a catch 22...I guess that's life.



but for what it's worth...i did miss him.

-j