::helpless::

So I've always tried to cover myself in positivity, but lately I've found the peace to not just try, but to really be positive. To keep it, and hang on to it. To surround myself with it. But its like life creeps behind me and whispers in my ear..."are you sure, letting yourself be negative is so much easier". Damn you life.

How do you sit back and watch..how do you accept...how do you be ok..with something you've worked so hard for being so utterly changed, so negatively and so permanently? Helpless does not look good on me. I'm feeling every negative emotion there is, and if I let myself, I'd hurt a lot people's feelings, perhaps shatter some relationships, and disappear from many people who've grown to be part of my heart. But what's the point in that? What good will that do? I would only further the negative change. So I've inhaled deeply and struggled to replace the negatives with positives. I'll take it as it comes.

I whisper back to life...yes, it would be easier, but then I've never been one to take the easy way.

-J