like an out of body experience

i look down at myself
suit, piece, and bling.
i made it.


d(f)oo(t)r

quick, jumbled thoughts.

i've been thinking too much about what it could be. but the truth is i don't know. i've tried to make something out of nothing, all the while hoping. but really i knew. and i wasn't gonna do it again. have to back up and let it be what it is. after all it'll come when it comes...and this case i think it came for them. i've got so much else to worry about anyway. it's like my life's just starting...sure i know my life started twenty-four years ago...but it's a new beginning. i've realized how much my family's pride is resting on my shoulders. and i won't let them down. it's not an easy load to carry, but my mom built me strong. all i hope to be is half the woman she is.

have a little faith.

when you have faith, things have a way of working themselves out.
yesterday was a beautiful day...one i will never forget. yea, it was mixed with a hint of sadness, and didn't go exactly as planned. but was better then i hoped.

on to the next...

not again

the wheels in my head are moving about a million miles per minute. i have so much i wanna say and don't know where to start. but damn...why does it seem like when something good happens something bad has to happen too.

i'm excited..yet feel bad for being excited
i'm sad...yet feel bad for feeling sad
i don't think i'm selfish...
but i really thought my day would be able to be simply a happy one this time.

it's like deja vu...


just trying to keep the faith.

i am my biggest critic.

"i expect perfection from you because that's all i've seen from you thus far. but everyone makes mistakes, don't beat yourself up for it..."

they expect a lot from me because i've shown them a lot...that's a hard concept to grasp, but i hope i got it. they're expectations mean so much.

...lesson learned...and well appreciated

positivity

i stumbled to find my way to this point
and now the countdown begins.
i have no idea what to expect,
but i'm not worried.
cus the end is just the beginning
and the beginning has no end.
i'll find my way.

why

...do some people have the ability to make your day with just one word..."hi"
and a smile brighter than the sun forms across your face

::sigh::

ugh

i don't think it's supposed to be this difficult. but it seems like it was yesterday that it was so easy. i guess the thing to do would be just to take things in stride...not assume good or bad...just let it happen.

so that's the plan...just let it happen.

...sounds easy

discovery

i never knew my own strength
until it was tested

...i passed.

and

somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow, i found today

...what a present.

-j.a.r.

reflections

i had something to say...but someone said it better then i could

"It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about."
~Alan Ball, American Beauty, 1999

reflecting on all i've done and all i've learned in the past 4 months. i don't know that i could put it into words. it's been....an experience.

on a journey to beyond my potential

...in progress

motivation

mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers
yours aNd mine, and his and hErs
unthinkable eVil, unbEaRable pain.
Families tORn apart
many Gave some, yet some gave all.
it's become but a memory to some
to othEr's iT's the reason
and now i look forward
with four words...

not

on

my

watch.

reflections of you

i had fallen
so deep i couldn't see the top of the hole i had dug myself in and
in the end
you weren't there to pull me out

then i saw a glimmer of light through a hole you cut
in my heart
so i clawed myself out

i filled the hole and built a wall
made of glass
so i could look back and see you
but not
walk through

and onward i marched
until one day i was too far to see through the glass wall
and you
were just a blur

and now i see
me.

just a thought

my mind runs so fast my feet can barely keep up and i
stumble
throw my hands out in front of me and catch
myself
falling back
because
backward mixed with forward
when
backward became the backbone
and i
grew it

...my future looks bright.

new to this old pastime

I used to write
then my words became slurred as my feet kicked into overdrive and I
couldn't slow them down long enough to put a pen to paper...

I used to write
and then I realized that
yesterday's tomorrow was just a sunset away and today...
was the tomorrow I had wrote about

And now I write
because my words overflow with the thought of tomorrow's yesterdays
and
it brings a smile to my face

I've never been a writer.