just a random thoughtul moment

I was just a child the first time I thought I was in love. Four years of my life given to someone who was just a child himself. Now, after all these years, I think back and I think I did love him, as much as anyone in high school could love anyone else. It was the first time I truly understood a broken heart, but also the first time anyone was in a position to break it. Whats more important to me now though, is that that first guy I fell for, is a genuinely good guy. Over the years he's seen my family members much more than he's seen me...and each time they tell me how they saw him, how he came over to give them a kiss hello, and how he's always so sweet to them. And I smile because maybe my judge of character is better than I sometimes think.

Don't speak too soon

In everything that's different,
I see all the same.

Over it?

I'm not Tom
or Jerry
so why am I
playing this
cat
and
mouse
game?

To myself...

Option: something that may be or is chosen; choice.

Priority: something given special attention.

Don't confuse the two.

Pointless?

If you
knew me
better
you would see
how different
I am
with
you.
I would tell you
but
I doubt
you would believe me.

...

i wish
you could see
that all i want
is to
know
you.

random lyrical moment

"the scent of a room that reminds me of u
a hint of perfume it reminds me of u
take a look at the moon it reminds me of u
hope the stars and the gods
align me and you"
-Common

excerpts from a reader (1)

"He was in the kind of love that Ajax won't scrape off, the kind of love that makes a grown man doodle a woman's name on his forearm with a pen and say things, his palm cupped tightly around a pay-phone receiver, that would make his buddies question his manhood."
-Rick Bragg
"I Am a Soldier, Too: The Jessica Lynch Story"

out my window...

my view...everyday.

i want to learn

how to fit a square object into a round hole.

some days are still harder than others

i can almost not remember it like it was yesterday,
the phone woke me
i didn't understand who could be calling at that hour
but i answered.
on the other line was an uncalm calm
::she's gone::
:who's gone:
i didn't understand
or i didn't believe
but either way i had to ask
had to be sure.
but she was gone.
and the little girl in the grown woman i was supposed to be
came tumbling out of me.
i didn't know how to carry that heavy load...
the weight was unbearable
and i didn't think i could climb out of bed under it,
let alone walk down the hall without collapsing.
so i stumbled as far as my small body would allow,
to the door next to mine
and the savior that slept quietly on the other side.
he would take the weight for me
i knew this as sure as i knew that she was gone.
i opened the door
trying to formulate some semblance of words he could understand.
i'm not sure what came out
but i know that in his understanding the weight shifted from me to him.
he told me it would be ok
and i watched as he wavered under the weight of it
i could see the little boy inside of the man he was supposed to be,
but the man fought back
he walked down the hall
to the room neither of us wanted to enter,
to try and gently place that huge weight
on the shoulders of our mother.
her cries pierced my heart like a million knives
and it bled out
desperately trying to make its way to her
to fill the holes in her own heart
caused by the weight of the world that had just come crumbling down.

fuck it

it, fuck.

How did I get there?

I want to tattoo the route
on the palm of my hand
so that if I'm ever lost
I can touch my hand to my heart
and it'll find the way.

not a compromise

I will not trade in me in exchange for you.

repeat.

i'm pretty sure i've seen this episode before.
i'm going to keep watching to make sure though.

very random

like 1 of the 2 most important men in my life says..

"get off my back, you kinda heavy back there!"
=) i gotta love him.

happiness is a choice

and today it chose me.

luCky hEr

there was once a boy
who loved a girl
an amazing love that transceded the walls of his heart
and took hold of his soul.

i was not that girl...
but oh! how i felt that love.

a beautiful moment

i'm not sure when i started to see her through you
when i see you laugh
i picture her
in her bata
standing at the stove
and i can smell the incredible aroma of memories
and i smile to keep the tears at bay
because in that moment
i see her
i feel her
and in that one moment
i don't feel the pain of missing her

100

it's a brand new year.
--------------------------

When I close my eyes I dream
I dream I dance on clouds
and let the sun be my partner
when it sets I sit among the stars
and talk to the moon.
When I close my eyes I dream
I dream I sing melodies that make a phoenix cry
make it want to die
only to be reborn again
to see the beauty of the world through a child's eye.
When I close my eyes I dream
I dream that heaven married hell
and birthed earth
and I cried at the beauty of their love.
When I close my eyes I dream
I dream
I dream.